Rudeness may mean – verbal aggression or lashing out, inappropriate and insensitive humor, putting down others, or offending others. Rudeness may result to – an abusive behavior, damaged relationships, erosion of self-esteem, and hate.
Sure, we have moments when we can’t help but become sarcastic once in a while during our times of frustration or stress, but, experiencing a habitual and escalating bad behavior from a person living under the same roof as you, well, this SHOULD become a concern.
It is different when you deal with rude strangers or friends – just walk away. This is safety, not cowardice. Silent treatment is also one of the best ways to deal with rude people according to this study.
But what if the person being rude is your husband? You just don’t want to go home, anymore. Besides, home is somewhere other than where your rude husband is. To spend everyday of your life giving him the silent treatment or the cold shoulder would not be possible unless one of you is a robot. Being the person at the receiving end of his condescending behavior or not, in time, it would rub off on you. And if you are not able to correct it early, it becomes a barrier to intimacy. Moreover, responding to him with the same bad manner will just make things worse.
Just after an outburst, avoid immediately confronting your husband as this will surely escalate into an exchange of unpleasant words. Let it pass. When both of you are relaxed and calm, try to talk to him compassionately regarding his outburst. But remember, it must be done as soon as possible or the incident becomes obscure. Give him specific details of the incident and make him realize that his ways are offensive and greatly affecting your relationship. Do it politely, not accusingly. Agree on ways that will help both of you cope with his behavior, like, if you see signs that he is going to erupt, you might warn him beforehand.
If for a long period of time, he still doesn’t want to discuss his bad behavior, and every time you try to bring it up, he shuts you down or evades the problem or starts his outbursts all over again, then, stop already. He will not change no matter what approach you adopt. This may be because it is an inherent behavior and not just because of stress. If so, only counselling may change him with little to no chance of transforming him. If he can’t admit that his behavior needs changing, then he won’t change.
Assess your relationship. If his rudeness becomes the main feature of your marriage, if he becomes more abusive in spite of your kindness, then you need to consider if your marriage is worth keeping.