Basic Things To Talk About And Agreements All Couples Should Make To Ensure The Future Of Their Marriage

Many couples fail because there are some vital things they didn´t ask or talked about at the initial stages of their relationship. Some topics are fundamental and can be determinants in our future. Sometimes we avoid these vital conversations for the fear of receiving answers we will not like. It may not seem important for you the fact that he will like to name your future first daughter after his grandma, until your little princess is born and you find out how he wants to name her. Or his mother may not be the most pleasant person, but she doesn´t bother you since she lives miles away, but what if within some years, when she gets older or sick, he tells you he plans telling her to move in with you? Or what would you do if you can´t get pregnant, adopt or or try “in vitro” fertilization? These are just some examples of situations that may occur and cause serious problems in the couple, even lead to separation. Certainly, even when we may have to listen things we don´t like or discuss with our beloved one, it is healthy and advisable to talk about such topics and come to an agreement before they happen. The American psychologist Robin L. Smith wrote a wonderful book: “Lies at the altar: the truth about great marriages” which includes a large lists of questions to be discussed with the partner. Here are some of the questions that a couple should talk about to save themselves from future crisis or even from braking up. There are no correct or incorrect answers, the idea is to come to an agreement that leaves both partners satisfied.

  1. Kids. What do you think about having kids? How many? In the near future or in ten years?
  2. If you plan to have kids in the future, who will take care of them primarily?
  3. How do you plan to handle your finances? Will you share all costs of living? Will you keep separated economies of a common account? Which are your economic priorities?
  4. How will be in charge of housekeeping?
  5. What expectations do you have about your sexual life?
  6. Will you have a television on the bedroom? Will laptops be allowed in bed?
  7. What about your religious beliefs? How will you educate your kids regarding religion?
  8. How will you handle your relationships with each other´s parents?
  9. Are there things or habits any of you are not willing to give up to? For example, the weekly dinner with your best friends, or the football games every Sunday, or going to Church once a week.
  10. Do you like or dislike each other´s friends? Will you be pleased to share some time with them too?
  11. What would you do if any of you receives a good job offer in a different city? Would the other agree to move?
  12. What does infidelity mean for each of you? Where is the line that defines it?

These are just some suggested topics, you should of course make your own list on the basic things to talk about based on the issues or things  that are really important to you or that can be important for your partner. You will not only get to know each other better and deeper, but also prevent future problems.basic things to talk about

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