Feelings And Thoughts That Indicate If You Have A Healthy Love

When is a couple´s love real, beneficial and healthy both for the partners and for the success of the relationship? It is real and healthy when we enjoy it, when we are authentic and let our partner being authentic too, when partners add something to the other.  Let´s be clear, the relationship isn’t what makes you happy or unhappy, it all depends on the way you face and live all situations. You can live great moments of happiness within the couple, but happiness is an inner state we create learning to accept the good and painful aspects of the relationship. What is the purpose of having a partner then? To have a companion and to feel  we belong. We have all right to have such feeling of belonging and being corresponded, but we should not pretend or demand that our relationship needs fulfill all our inner expectations or heal our childhood wounds. If that happens, great, but do not take as a requisite. There are some feelings and thoughts that indicate if you have a healthy love, meaning that your feelings and expectations are the proper ones, and your reasons for being with the other help to a personal growth and to a nurturing healthy relationship.

  1. I couldn´t live without you or I could live without you too. We are adults accompanying and supporting each other, not two kids seeking parenting guidance, so the healthy thought would be: I could live without you too, but I am happy to have you by my side.
  2. I love you for the person you are but also despite of how you are. Loving even the negative aspects of the other such as their ego and difficulties means we recognize, accept and love the other one, not just love an idealized image of him/her.
  3. Make me happy or I wish you are happy? The romantic relationship is not responsible of making us happy, but I can make us feel happy or experience great moments, so we should never make it responsible for it. Sincerely desiring our partner ´s happiness is an indicative of pure and healthy love feelings.
  4. I want a good relationship or I want to  be a good and better person so as to be able to be a good partner. The excess of individualism above the “us” sense of direction exposes as to more uncertainty and even loneliness. So, combine those thoughts, if you want to have a good couple, work on your self-improvement, finding yourself and learning how to be a better partner, that way, the other goal, wanting a good relationship will happen naturally.
  5. I fight for my position within our couple or we cooperate? Most of couples have big problems and even break up before they get engaged in a struggle for power, they pretend to prevail, even when sometimes they don´t notice it. Demanding to be respected and having your voice heard is positive thing, but trying to impose your position is not. Healthy love relationships involve partners that cooperate, contribute to each other and walk side by side, one shouldn´t be following the other´s steps. And if your feelings are healthy, you will like to have your partner by your side not after you, that´s how successful couples walk together towards common goals, suffering and enjoying together and supporting each other at all situations and circumstances they may have to face.
  6. I know you well or each day I look at you and recognize you again and get to know you more.  Some couples are not really engaged with the person they have at their side at the present moment, but with the image they have created of that person over time and somehow live in the past. But people keep changing, experiences leave prints on them, so we should be open to perceive those subtle mild changes our partner goes through that may involve thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Or do you still react to certain situations the same way you did 10 years ago? Probably the years and experiences changed that a bit, or a lot, so don´t expect the same things from your partner, keep discovering him/her, be aware.


You must recognize healthy love feelings, which are those that lead a couple to nurture among each other, not to mutual competition or destruction. The healthy love is a relationship among adults that have healed from their previous hurts while unhealthy love occurs among immature individuals who fight to satisfy their needs and pretend the other to change, not letting them be who they really are.

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