Improve Your Relationship: Learn How To Communicate, What To Say And Which Words To Avoid

Most of the problems and conflicts that take place in a romantic relationship would be easily solved if both partners knew how to adequately communicate. As a matter of fact, most problems are a direct result of not communicating or of improperly communicating our thoughts, wishes and emotions. Most couples in conflict are trapped on passive or aggressive communication models that end up damaging the relationship. If you want to improve your relationship, learn how to communicate! Do not pretend that your partner should guess what you need of expect from him/her, go ahead and speak out, in the proper manner.

-If you want to obtain something, do not give orders, you will probably achieve your goal asking or suggesting.

-Avoid using certain words which are really poisoning, such as “always”, “never”, “everything”. Such generalizations are usually uncertain, like when the husband tells his wife:  “Everything you do is wrong” or “You are always doing things the wrong way” or “You never really loved me”. Those phrases are unfair, don´t you think? And they don´t do any good, nor to the couple, nor to the other one whose self-esteem may get hurt.

-If you want your partner to realize something that you dislike or that hurts you, do not use labels. Don´t use expressions such as “You are a selfish person”. Instead, refer to the exact situation in which you consider the other one was wrong or hurt you and say things like “the other day when you….you didn´t think of me”. No one likes to be labeled or tagged, especially when those are negative!

-Every time a problem or concern appears, try to solve it at the moment; do not keep unsolved issues inside. After a while you will have such a load that you will probably explode in harmful anger.

-If you are discussing about a certain topic, stick to it, don´t bring to the table other issues that are pending to be solved and don´t ever bring past problems. Focus on what you are dealing with and solve it, don’t aggravate things please!

-We find it so easy when we are hurt or upset to tell our partners their defects and enhance their mistakes but we are more reluctant to express them the things we like about them, or mention their virtues or skills. So, verbalize to your partner all the things you like about him/her (physical features, skills, attitudes, anything and all you like about him/her). After all, we all like to be reminded why we are loved and that the other one sees we are actually worthy for our partners. Such feedback nurtures love! Of course, be honest! If you try to flatter the other with things you don´t really feel, sooner or later the truth will be noticed!

-Try to include in your speech phrases such as: “I feel, I want, I wish, I would like to, etc. “…This way you will feel better yourself as you will be expressing your emotions and desires and you will also be helping your partner to know you better and understand you and please you.

-The same way you should express your emotions and desires, you should care about how your partner feels or felt on certain circumstances. Worry about the emotions of your partner; ask him/her about them. “How did you feel when I said….?”, “How does…make you feel?”, “How do you feel about…?”. All the answers will help you know if your actions or words are helping or hurting your loved one and the relationship, besides the other one will appreciate your concerns and your sensitivity, after all you are worrying and showing your love!

A better communication, on the proper manner, and at the right time will help build a stronger bond and will help to avoid anger or anxiety explosions which are usually a result of accumulated things and feelings we keep to ourselves, and if we explode, we will hardly be able to have an effective discussion, on the contrary we will probably say things that will hurt our partners and ourselves, so, learn how and what to say, and say it at the right moment and you won´t have to regret!

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