When you catch your friend’s partner cheating, should you tell your friend? Most of the time, the answer is yes. But, is it really outright YES? Disclosing an information as critical as a cheating partner to a friend needs a lot of consideration before you spill the beans. For guys, it’s simple – ‘boys before hoes’. There is no question that loyalty between male friends is deeper. But speaking from the point of view of a female, it’s just not that simple especially if your friend is also the female partner. And from a female’s point of view, you may need careful thought before divulging such news to your friend.
To begin with, you need to confirm if the information is true. If you personally witnessed her partner cheating, try gathering first hand evidences to back up your story. If you just heard it from another person, then believe me, there is no need to tell your friend.
Next, if you have established that the partner is indeed cheating on your friend, you need to evaluate the relationship between your friend and her partner, your relationship with your friend, and your relationship with your friend’s partner.
Situation 1: If your friend’s relationship with her boyfriend is not that serious, like if it’s less than a year, or if he’s just a fling, then tell her while their relationship hasn’t ran deep.
Situation 2: If your friend’s relationship with her boyfriend is serious, like if a wedding is on the menu, then tell her but with caution. It is best to be tactful with how you say it, but by all means, tell her. You wouldn’t want to carry a guilty conscience when their marriage breaks apart because of the same infidelity problems would you?
Situation 3: If your friend is married, don’t tell your friend straight up. Assess the depth of your friendship. If you are not that close, then don’t be the one to break the bad news. The first instict of a woman is to protect her home and family so it’s not uncommon that your friend would choose to defend her husband than your friendship.
Situation 4: If your friend is married and she is your bestfriend or if she is like a sister to you, your first concern is the safety and welfare of your friend and not whether she is aware that her partner is cheating. Will your friend be strong enough to handle the news? Women are delicate and they get easily devastated when they learn that their husband is having an extramarital affair. They go through depression, and if left unchecked, may lead to emotional breakdown, despair, or suicide. If this might be the case, then it would do more harm rather than good if you tell her. But, there is also the health issue that may compromise your friend’s well-being. Concerns about the contraction of AIDS or STDs should never be left aside.
When and if you decide to tell your friend of her partner’s infidelity, bear in mind that in the process, you might lose your friendship. Be prepared that even if you are good friends, not all women respond positively to such news. She might stay with her partner regardless of what you tell her. If this is the case, then you must accept whatever decision she makes and show respect to her partner even if it’s just being civil.
If it still confuses you whether to tell your friend or not, try to put yourself in her shoes. If you’re the one whose partner is cheating, and your friend found out, what are your expectations?