Is It Love Or Sex? Establishing Solid Foundations For A Durable Couple

When sexual attraction is too strong we can not so easily determine if it is love or sex that keeps us together.  The first step we experience when we begin a romantic relationship is feeling physically attracted to the other person. Then comes the process of getting to know each other and finding out if there is compatibility between both. Maybe then and only then, you can start really loving each other and build the foundations to sustain a solid couple. Sometimes sexual attraction is so strong that we get confused. We need to discern if it is love or sex, if we have the concrete basis for a life-lasting relationship in which sex will be a big part of it, but not the only one.

 Do you have a translucent and sincere communication? Real love needs not only body communication, but to get to know each other and learn how to respect the feelings and opinions of the other. There has to be a deeper degree of connection, not just verbal, but also a more profound understanding and, of course, with facts sustaining the words and love promises that are made.

 Is there any commitment? When feelings are real, even without the conscious intention to do it, we start getting engaged in a relationship in which certain commitment is implicit. Such commitment involves giving and receiving emotional security, implies sharing more than just sex with the other one, implies caring for each other and even if spoken promises have not been made, the commitment leads to fidelity and to the intention of preserving the other one and the relationship.

 Respect is always present when love is real. When you are really loved, respect is present in all aspects. The dignity, integrity, individuality and freedom of the loved person are respected and encouraged. I consider that fidelity is implied in that respect and in the above mentioned commitment.

 Shared responsibility: When the relationship is deep enough, when feelings are strong and go beyond sexual attraction, both partners feel responsible for each other somehow and for the consequences of your shared actions. For instance, if sex resulted in an unwanted pregnancy, the responsibility would be shared, not left just to you.

 Making things simple, when there is love, the partner is recognized as a person to be respected, taken care of and valued. When love is present one feels the other as a someone that complements us, not only in a physical manner, but in a way that makes us want to be part of the partner’s life accompanying his/her personal growth as well. Sex can be a part of love, and in fact, a good sexuality is an important part of a couple, but the difference is that love is present beyond sex. On the other side, we all know that sex can be done and enjoyed without love. But if sexual attraction vanished..there would be nothing left and the relationship would be over by defect. For a strong, stable and durable relationship, love and sex should form a conjunction within the frame of a stable relationship that includes a common project of shared and individual growth.

Man Kissing a Woman

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